Sorry, ladies, but we are not loving many of those Oscar frocks. You might have the pick of couture, but we think most of you would have done better on our Posh Frocks galleries.
Scarlett Johansson’s purple lace Dolce & Gabbana dress is promising, but that neckline is too high – Domenico and Stefan needed to take a pair of scissors to create a slash or a gentle, wide scoop. And what were they thinking with that colour purple. But most of all Scarlett, we had to look three times to know it was you in that just-washed hair. Yes, we know a choppy bob is very on-trend, but purleese, get a hair-do next time.
Natalie Portman also chose a purply shade, in a somewhat mumsy style by Rodarte. Sweet pleating over the bust, but she looks like the hostess at a barmitzvah with that styling. Hair and earrings perfect, however.
That red, extended-swimsuit Calvin Klein number rocked by Jennifer Lawrence looked like something she grabbed off the rail at Bloomingdales in her lunch hour. And where is the jewellery? I’m a “take something off” girl, but you have to put some things on first. There’s minimalism and there’s “forgot to add jewellery”. But the hair is gorgeous.
What is it with the gorgeous Helena Bonham Carter, again vamping it up like a heroine from a Hammer Horror movie? That Vivienne Westwood dress is kind of fabulous; the hair is good, the towering platforms are good – but NOT ALL TOGETHER.
Really, Cate Blanchett, what were you thinking when you allowed your stylist to put you in that gown from Givenchy couture. It resembles a cross between an advertising hoarding and an outfit for space exploration.
Even worse, Melissa Leo's gown was a car-crash. Her dress looked like it's made from a series of coaster-sized doilies with crystals embedded. Have you not heard that less is more, Melissa. But congrats on the Oscar, you truly deserved it.
Nicole Kidman looked splendid in Dior. The gown suited her, and the necklace was perfect, though I would have added a cuff – those slender arms looked very bare indeed and maybe made the hair look a little less as though it was done three days ago and slept on.
Reece Witherspoon looked sweet in Armani Prive, but again, that hair! You cannot think that bouffant adds height, can you? If that is what your stylist told you, fire him/her! Again, a cuff on the left wrist would have given balance.
What is it with these bare arms! Amy Adams looked stunning in L’Wren Scott, proving that purple can work if you have the right skin and hair colouring. But another cuff on the right arm would not have been overdoing it. And love the 50s screen siren hair – it works perfectly with the screen goddess gown.
Our prize for best dressed: Florence Welch, wearing the softest lemon lace and georgette Valentino couture, proving that lace, chiffon and pleats don’t have to look like curtains; the 14-year-old Hailee Steinfeld, in the perfect Marchesa ballerina-length gown, with hair in a perfect up-do. A narrow, sparkly bangle would have finished it off, perfectly, though… and Anne Hathaway in scarlet Valentino couture. It was the perfect shape for her, and the hair and jewellery were all absolutely perfect, too. Though a cuff wouldn't have gone amiss on her, either…
Which ones did you love? Which ones did you hate?